I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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