Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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