just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
