if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
