Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
