please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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