Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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