dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
