I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So here I am, sexting at work.
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