i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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