I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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