Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
