It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
