It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
