There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
