girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
