Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
After last night, I could never be a politician.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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