It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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