It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
