Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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