why didn't you poke me back
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We are all done wearing pants today
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
