He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
