Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dicks are not precious.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
