I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
