Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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