Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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