didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
