i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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