Where are you?
In a non slutty way
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
