She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
