i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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