is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
