Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
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