Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
