weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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