Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
