Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
