How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
