you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
