look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
