I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
