in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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