my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
