That's when you crack a 10am beer
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
