I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
