I forgot how hot balto sounded
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
