Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
