There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
