I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
