I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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