Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
