I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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