I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
