I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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